If evidence ever surfaced proving the existence of a higher power orchestrating the balance between good and bad, fate and hope, then my life is that proof. The moment arrived when positivity finally knocked on my door, ushering out all the negativity. The phone rang, its tone carrying the promise of hope, and as I answered, a wave of anticipation swept over me. Memories of anxious days, tearful nights, and the constant worry of unemployment flashed before my eyes. I clung to the phone, yearning for this call to be the turning point in my life. Miraculously, it was.

I've never been particularly religious, though I believe with all the sincerity and faith I can muster. The practice, however, has felt burdensome, especially during these past challenging weeks. I found myself resenting the fact that I only sought solace in God during my darkest hours, even though, in reality, turning to Him should never be a burden. I prayed, perhaps not as fervently as I should have, but I prayed nonetheless.

Then came yesterday morning's phone call, a divine proclamation that whispered, "I am here, and this is for you; do not forget me." I never intended to craft a narrative that sounded sanctimonious, but in these moments, my faith in the higher powers resonates loudly within me. Gratitude, thankfulness, and an abundance of faith flood my being. I secured the job I longed for—the very one I fervently prayed for, shedding tears to the heavens. The opportunity presented itself, radiating in all its glory, and now my new life begins.

Suddenly, the bad days lose their sting, the dark times appear conquerable, and every fiber of my being trusts in the trajectory of my life.

I promised myself I wouldn't write about temporary people, especially those I know will only be a fleeting presence in my life. But it's a promise I've never been able to keep. So here I am, wide awake at 4 am, putting my thoughts to words about you. I've been trying to distract myself from this, but every time I see you, I can't help but feel a deep longing. I want to know you better, open up to you, and have you in my life in some way. I'm well aware we've been through this countless times before.

I can't deceive myself by claiming there's no one else like you out there. In all honesty, I'm sure there are many who share your way of thinking, speaking, and responding. But after each encounter with you, I can't help but want you all over again. This feeling has persisted since the first time we met, even when we were both seeing other people. I doubt I'll ever get to express this to you directly, but at least I can share it here.

You strike me as someone with whom I could spend hours conversing, or simply listening to your thoughts and stories. Your perspective on the world, your insights into how it should work, your tales from 10th grade, and your nuggets of life advice, despite your youth, all captivate me. I'm not typically drawn to younger individuals, but there's something about you that's different. I can't say for certain what it would be like if we were together, but I'm willing to give it a try.

– ⚽

Seeking Inspiration

It has come to a point in my blogging journey where I find myself in need of fresh ideas. I'm currently at a creative crossroads, which is surprising considering I used to make a living out of writing blogs. It's a bit perplexing because I can't quite pinpoint my niche anymore.

Embracing Spontaneity

I've evolved into a more spontaneous writer, allowing my emotions and passions to guide my words. While I understand that this isn't a full-fledged career, it still holds immense personal value for me. There's an undeniable sense of gratification that comes with expressing my thoughts and feelings, even if it feels like no one's reading.

The Pitfalls of Overthinking

But the moment I start overthinking and exerting too much effort into finding the right words, that's when my content takes a nosedive in quality. It's disheartening to admit, but I fear this very post might be headed in that direction.

The Ominous Silence

The process feels increasingly monotonous, and my mind seems eerily silent. Some might argue that this silence is a form of peace, a chance for introspection. Yet, I see it as nothing less than writer's block, an obstacle I must overcome to rediscover my passion and creativity.

I don't talk about October enough, and I apologize to myself. Life has been tough on me, something I mention in every post, tweet, caption, but October has been so kind, and I'm eternally grateful. Unemployment has felt like the weight of the world on me, but with October, it didn't feel that way.

October 5th - Sabrina took me out for lunch at Tujoh in PJ. The food wasn't the best, but the company was.

October 6th - It was my last day of work. I was loved. We went out for lunch with the team, and the girls even bought me a custom cake to send me off. A core memory for real. The night of, I met the loves of my life, my friends. They surprised me with a dinner. When I had a new job, I had planned to eat with my friends, but that fell through, even the job. But these lovelies planned it all together, and I felt loved for the second time.

October 14th - I met with Megat. We went for a cheap lunch, went to a cafe, took hundreds of pics. God bless Megat for dealing with me trying to find the right angle, and spent the rest of the night eating a good burger and enjoying a live band.

October 21st - I went out on a date with a guy I really thought was the love of my life. He isn't, but it was still a good time, one to remember.

October 22nd - Dyed my hair. RIP hair, but it looks good.

October 26th - Celebrated Mush's birthday with karaoke with Aida and Thira, ending the night hanging out with Alip.

October 28th - Spent the night with Harith.

October 29th - Finally met up with Any. We caught up and it still felt like nothing changed. I ended up at Harith's again that night.

And in between, there was a lot of "me time" that I appreciated. Nights of movies, series, and music, catching up on my sleep. I love October. The best month so far.

I looked back to what I wrote in November 2018. As usual, I was sad over a boy. I honestly don't remember who it was about. 2018 felt like years ago, and that feeling is something I don't remember anymore. But I assume that when I wrote it, I felt the weight of the world. "Would I go back to you? If I spend too much time in the thoughts of the times we spent together, maybe I would. Would I want to? I'm not so sure." Like, okay? Who hurt me this bad? It's so funny to read back on it. Not just this, but every painful feeling I had before this, especially the ones I don't remember. When people say, "this too shall pass," I guess they were right. It passed, but my God, did it hurt. But I got over the hurt. I'm not exactly hurt at the moment. I don't know what I am right now, but this too shall pass, right?

I wish to look back on my entries and feel something, I assume. So here goes an endless stream of written words about my life that ends here. The useless piece of information or the gut-wrenching confession, it's all written here. As of now, it's just the mundane life of being at home 24/7, saying only 5 words per day, and only to myself. I sleep through the day, waking up only to reply to emails and staying up all night following up on said emails, discovering movies I never knew existed. Five days a week and repeat, hoping that one of these days that would change.

Every few days, I get to see familiar faces, and those days are tomorrow. I get to see Amy and Mimi again. The band is back together? It's hard to tell. I guess a little backstory for my future self reading this wouldn't hurt. Amy, Mimi, and I drifted apart due to what we adults called life. We simply stopped seeing each other. Of course, there's more to that, but let's not get into harsh details. But when we used to spend every waking moment seeing each other's faces, I guess it was a time I didn't appreciate enough. There were bad times, but there were definitely good times. I remember having the worst heartbreak I've ever felt in my entire life. They don't know this, but being surrounded by them stopped me from not wanting to be alive anymore. I couldn't actually drown myself in pills when there's no private time. And that isn't a bad thing. We had good times, and tomorrow we get to see each other again, hoping the feeling is the same.